Meet Me At Midnight
by Rose Everdeen
Summary: Set during New Moon, around chapter 14. As Victoria draws closer and more dangerous, a death makes Bella realise she has to be stopped. With Bella placing herself as the bait, will edward return in time to stop her or will he lose her forever? R&R!
1. Prolouge

**Hi! This is my new- and first – Twilight fanfic.  
It's set during New Moon. Edward is still gone, Victoria is still hunting, but things are about to get worse.  
I really hope you enjoy this! I know it's very short to begin with but I'd really appreciate it if you'd stick with this, it would mean so much to me!**

This is crazy, I thought, as I wondered alone through the dark forest.

The sky had darkened above me, and now only the moon guided my path, washing the forest in a surreal white glow, piercing through the trees like white needles.

Shadows danced on the floor around me, flickering like candles, taunting me.  
A shiver ran through my body, though it wasn't from the cold wind.

I had never felt more alone, or vulnerable – exposed.

I glanced nervously around the forest. I had no idea where I was, or how to escape the dark depths of the thick woodland.

But still I continued, though directionless. I wouldn't give up, I wouldn't stop.

The further I went, the further my common sense went to try to force me in the other direction. But I knew I had to keep going. I had to leave a trail, strong enough so she would find it and trace it here – to me. I needed her to come, so she would finally kill me and end this.

I knew that my death would stop her.

And, maybe I would even welcome it. A final relief. An ending at least. Through everything that had happened, everyone who had lost because of me, I owed them this much. So many people had fought to protect me, but they couldn't. Not anymore. I had to sacrifice myself.

It was the only thing I could do now. Maybe it was too late, but I had to try.

I had to try to save those I loved. And this truly was the only way.

My heart began to beat faster, my breathing became uneven. I glanced around me again, nervous. I wished more than anything that I was far away from here, safe. As I did, his face flooded my mind, paining me, but also making me continue.  
I stumbled on the broken bracken, and held a tree to steady myself. I cursed lightly, through the dull pain in my ankle.

I leant against the tree for a moment, trying to regain my thoughts. I closed my eyes, and as I did, a single tear fell.

With my hand, I brushed it from my cheek. There was no time, I had to hurry.

After all, my life had very little meaning now...

**Thank you for reading! I'd really appreciate it if you would review. I love hearing your thoughts and it motivates me to keep writing.  
Thanks, Rose xx**


	2. Another killing

The engine of my truck ground to a halt outside the blacks house. I jumped out to find him waiting for me. Jacob. The one person who really understood me. A sun in the darkest of lives.

'Hey' he said in his deep, husky voice. He grabbed me in one of his vice tight hugs, knocking the wind out of me.

When he'd finally put me down I smiled back at him. Then I saw the expression on his face and immediately I felt anxious. He looked upset, and angry.

'Jake. What is it? What's wrong?' I demanded. He looked past me and sighed heavily. 'It's getting worse. We found three more bodies in the forest today. We were too late. Again. We're always too late' he moved past me and kicked something angrily, but I was too caught up in my own thoughts to notice.

'Victoria' I whispered. Jacob didn't need to reply. I knew instantly what he was talking about. She'd killed again. Because of me. She wanted to get me, to kill me and nothing would stop her. I felt sick. Of course I knew she was coming, every night I lay awake, just waiting for her to find me. But this just made it even more real.

'Bella' Jacob said his voice softer. He cupped my face in his huge hands and looked into my eyes. 'I promise you that nothing will hurt you. She won't get you. I won't let her.'

I broke away from him and turned away. I was angry now. 'Don't you get it Jake? She's never gonna stop. Nothing anyone does can change that. And in the meantime more and more people are dying. Because of me!'

'Bella!' he grabbed my arm and pulled me into a softer hug. 'It's gonna be okay.'

Funny that. Things hadn't been okay for a long time. And things weren't about to either. I knew it was only going to get worse.

**I started writing this story last night and I was very tired so if it isn't very good, I'm sorry. I originally had the idea for the story ages ago, but only what happens near he end, so I had to write a beginning to it. I promise it'll get better soon. Please R&R. Your comments mean alot to me. thanks!**


	3. Embry Call

I was having a nightmare. The only nightmare I seemed to have. I was walking through a dark forest, alone. I knew i was about to start screaming, and even in unconsciousness, i braced myself.

Suddenly, I was awoken by moving from downstairs. Still half asleep, i jumped up with a gasp. My blood ran cold. Victoria. My heart began to race. She'd found me . . . she was coming for me. . .

Then I heard a crash and a voice cursing. I frowned. Relief flooded my body. No vampire was that clumsy.

I was abruptly confused. What time was it? Judging from the darkness that flooded my room it still had to be night. So why was Charlie – i assumed – downstairs?

I checked my clock next to my bed. The digits flashed: 03:02.

Curious, I pulled on my dressing gown and quietly made my way downstairs. I could hear my dad's frantic voice on the telephone. 'Yes, I'm coming. Get backup down there as soon as possible. I'll just . . .' Charlie broke off as he heard my footsteps and hurled around to see me. He muttered something indistinct down the line then hung up.

'Bella' he said worry touching his already frantic face.

Noticing that he was pulling on his police uniform I realised that something had happened.

'Dad, what's...?' I began, before he cut me off.

'Bella, listen to me. Do as I say. I need you to go back upstairs... no ... I need you to go to La Push, now. I've rung Billy. Jacobs there'

Confusion covered my face. 'Dad - what? Its 3am. What's going on?' I demanded sleepily.

Charlie grabbed his cruiser keys off the worktop and made his way to the front door.

'Bella. Now. Don't stop on the way. I mean it.'

'Dad, tell me now. . .'

He turned around to face me, his expression grave. 'Another body's been found. Nearby in the woods. He was murdered. But it's only just happened. The murderers still out there, near here. You need to go...' he trailed off. I was suddenly aware there was something else he was keeping from me.

A murder... my head swam.

Dread twisted my stomach, nausea overwhelmed me. 'Dad. Who?'

Anger twisted his face. He opened the door. 'Embry Call' The door slammed behind him as he left.

**Sorry for the shortness of the chapters! They will get longer. I got so caught up in the story that I wasn't actually **_**aware **_**of what I was writing and I know this sounds weird, but I didn't realise that I'd killed Embry till I re-read it. I don't know why him, but I'm sorry to anyone who particularly liked him. R&R please!**

**UPDATE!  
Hi! From your reviews, i kinda guessed some of you weren't happy that i killed Embry. Especially when WeAreTheFuture said he was like the Emmett of the wolf pack. That upset me so much because i love Emmett! And Kiowa Gordon (Embry in NM)! So sorry guys ;) **


	4. Disbelief

No. Not embry. I had been with him only yesterday with Jacob and the pack... they'd been discussing tactics for cornering Victoria... then I realised, tonight the wolves had been on patrol. Running around my house, watching out for Victoria. . .

No.

She'd been there. Must have tried to get to me and found embry instead. They would have fought . . . a werewolf against a vampire . . . embry against Victoria. I couldn't picture the huge chocolate wolf, only the gangly, cheerful 16 year old boy. And he wasn't strong enough.

Sobs choked as they escaped my throat. It was all my fault he was dead. I'd killed embry. My best friend's brother. And it was not just him but every other person who had been killed because of Victoria.

I as lost in my horror when the door burst open. I gasped, and then saw that it was Jacob. As I took in his grief stricken face, I was overcome by guilt and uncontrollable sobs shook my body. He slumped to the floor beside me and held me as we both grieved.

**Okay, the thing about longer chapters...whoops. think of this more as a mini chapter. Please stick with this story!!! =) you all rock guys!**


	5. Guilt

Almost a week had passed since the night that Embry had been killed, and I hadn't seen Jacob since. I couldn't bear to see his grief-struck face. I knew I was still being protected by the pack. No matter what may have happened, by what disaster and loss they had faced, they would refuse to relinquish their 'duties'.

I was desperate to see him. I knew that the only thing that would only slightly ease how I felt was to be with him. But I couldn't. The guilt I felt overwhelmed any reason I had to see him.

Even though Jacob would never blame me for what had happened, I just couldn't.

Of course being away from Jacob meant I was as lonely as ever. And me being alone was not a good thing. As if the pain of Embry's death wasn't enough to contend with, old would surely reopen.

Thinking of Victoria made me think of them, and that was too much to bear. But once I started, I couldn't stop myself. It was like an addiction.

With no Jacob around there was nothing to keep the hole in my chest together and now it was as painful as ever, the edges burning, tearing at my chest like it had been in the dark, zombie months.

I wondered where they were now. Was _he _with them, or was he still out enjoying his distractions? Did he ever think of me? Wonder if I was ok? I doubted he did. It's not like he cared about me anymore.

I would find myself crumpled on the floor, clutching my side, trying to hold myself together, the tears streaming down my face. I knew it wasn't healthy to be like this, but since when did that make a difference? It felt like my whole life was just one catastrophe after the next. I really was a magnet, not for danger though, but for disaster and devastation.

Charlie was at work when Jacob came. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even realise he was there. All I remember was finding his arms around me. I jumped and then turned to face him.

'Why haven't you been around to see me?' he immediately demanded.

'I didn't think you'd want to see me, after...you know' I whispered. A look of anguish touched his face, his arms tightened slightly around me.

'Bella, of _course _I wanted to see you. These past few days, they've been really tough. I kept waiting for you. Obviously, we were on patrol around your house, but I didn't come to see you because I didn't think _you _wanted to see _me. _I only came today because I couldn't stand it any longer'

I was shocked for a moment and then looked away. I didn't know how to answer, so I didn't. But Jake knew me far too well and knew there was more I wanted to say.

He loosed his grip on me, and studied my face. 'Bella,' he began, 'you don't blame _yourself _for what happened, do you?' I moved away slightly, turning my head.

'How can I not? It's all my f-'

'What?' Jake cut me off, angry and shocked. 'Bella how can you think that? It wasn't your fault. We all know that!'

I jumped up and looked down at him. Suddenly all my emotion from the past week boiled over and I began shouting at my best friend.

'Jacob! Don't you get it? If it wasn't for me, Victoria would never have been here! Embry was out protecting _me. _If he hadn't been, he would NEVER have been killed! If I was dead, Victoria wouldn't be killing innocent people. No one would have died. No one NEEDED to die. It's all my fault!' tears ran down my face as I grabbed my jacket and keys from the table and ran out of the house to my truck.

I was aware of him following me but ignored it until I felt his hand on my arm pulling me back. I turned around.

'Bella.' Jake said, but he couldn't find the words. He knew nothing would change my mind.

'Let me go Jake. Please' he looked at my face for a moment then nodded and released his grip. I jumped into my truck and started the engine. I didn't look at him once as I left.

I had absolutely no idea where I was going, all I knew was that I had to get away for a few hours. Try to clear my head – ha- a wasted effort to start with.

As I got on the highway, I saw out of the corner of my eye, a huge dark _russet_ coloured shape, running through the trees. Of course. He wouldn't leave me at all, not now Victoria was getting closer to me.

But maybe that was a good thing. Maybe, if she finally got what she wanted – me- she would leave everyone else alone. There would be no more need for any killings. She would have done what she planned to do and would leave.

My words from only minutes ago ran through my head.

If I was dead . . .

**Yey! At last! A long chapter! If you've read this far, thanks so much! More soon. Please leave a comment, even if It's negative. **


	6. Visions

**Forgot to mention this but this chapter is in Alice's POV. It runs chronologically within the last few chapters. I don't want this to get too confusing, but for this story to really work, it has to be told from 3 different viewpoints. Anyway, enjoy!**

Alice's POV

Ithaca, NY

Carlisle and jasper were at college and Em, Rose and Esme were out hunting, so effectively I had the house to myself. The silence was unendurable, when the house was so usually full of life and strong personalities; it felt so empty when that was absent.

I wanted to do something to distract myself till the others came home, but I didn't know what. I touched n making a new outfit – something I hadn't done in a long time – but didn't feel like it.

I was grateful when, a while later I saw that Jasper was returning, so I went out to meet him.

'How was college' I asked him, pulling him into a tight hug.

'Lonely' I saw him say before he changed his mind and simply said 'fine'. I sighed and held him tighter.  
Edwards's absence had affected jasper more than anyone. Not only did he miss him immensely himself, but he had to endure everyone else's sadness too.

He could hardly spend any time around Esme at all, because he found it unendurable to feel how devastated she was to have lost her son.

As we went back into the house, I silently cursed Edward.

How could he have done this to us – to Bella? Didn't he realise that it was a wasted effort, that it was only a matter of time before he caved in to the pain and went back to her? you didn't need to be a psychic to see that ( it was just a coincidence that I _was)_  
he knew it himself, and he knew I had seen it happen, yet still he insisted on cutting himself off from everyone –his family- and so as a result everyone was hurting.

Carlise and Esme had lost a son – their favourite son, no doubt. Jasper had lost his brother, Emmett – who would find something to laugh at, at the end of the world- hardly smiled much anymore, he had lost his best friend. And Rosalie? Though she would never admit to it, she missed Rosalie more than most of us.

But didn't he realise how much I missed him? Me and him were so close, always so in tune with each other, and I didn't have that anymore. I felt lonely. And, it wasn't only Edward who I missed immensely. Didn't he get that _I _missed Bella too? I loved her as well and I really, really missed her.

As we walked inside the house, Jasper went up to his study. I watched him as he disappeared, silently up the staircase. I sat on the bottom step and idly looked into the future to take my mind off things.  
I knew I couldn't look into Bella's future, id promised Edward I wouldn't. Not that that mattered, breaking a promise didn't concern me, but when he found out, he would literally kill me.

I scanned the future. A slight fall in the stock market – had to tell Carlisle about that -, a flood in New Jersey, nothing interesting.

I sighed and opened my eyes. Then, I heard Emmett's booming voice and realised the rest of my family were back. I turned to greet them, when I gasped in shock.  
My eyes closed. I reopened them a moment later to find my family around me.  
Jasper put his hand on my shoulder.

'What did you see?' he questioned, smiling slightly as he took in my happiness. I looked at my family.

'Edwards coming home'.

**I'm sorry it's not particularly good. I got inspiration for this last night at 2am, was very tired, and had to write the whole thing out by phone light – not the best time to get ideas.  
I'm not very good at writing for Alice, especially** **when she's so uncharacteristically unhappy, but I hope you liked it anyway.  
I think the next chapter will be in Edwards's perspective so prepare yourself for a potentially epic failure. ;)**


	7. Decision

**Hi! I'm sorry this hasn't been updated in so long. I honestly have been so busy. In fact, right now I'm supposed to be doing my English coursework, but oh well. Also, I've been suffering from writers block. (It was a very severe case)  
and I promised you Edward! I'm SO sorry he's not in it yet. I was going to write it in his POV but I couldn't. It wasn't the right time to, but he will appear in the next chapter (which will be in Alice's POV). That's a promise.  
As ever, thanks so much for reading my story. It means so much.**

**I would like to say the BIGGEST thank you ever to BrittanyPerson. She is the best. Read her fanfics – NOW- or I will hunt you down: D. This story is dedicated to you, Brittany xxx**

*********

I lay awake in my bed. I was restless. No matter how exhausted my body may be, my mind was wide awake.

I had to stop Victoria. And I knew that the only way she would stop would be my death. I had to find a way to lead her to me but surely, that was beyond insane?  
I knew that as soon as she got half a chance, I would be dead and Laurent had made it clear to me that she was intent on making my suffering as prolonged and torturous as possible. The thought made my head spin, slightly nauseated. Did I really want to die?  
Honestly – no. Maybe at one time, death would have been welcomed – maybe even wished for - but not now. Even though my life held very little, there was something. I had Jacob. I would never be as much as I had had before, but it was enough. He was my best friend and deny as I might, he needed me. Could I honestly do that to him?

But Embry's face flooded my mind. He wasn't just Embry any more. He represented everyone, and everything that had been lost because of Victoria. Because of me. He was the face that made me realise that there _was_ no other option. I had to end this – soon.

I sat up. The moonlight shone through my window, illuminating my room. I gazed out into the forest. She was out there, somewhere. Maybe not near me – yet – but she was close. I could feel it. It was only a matter of time before she killed again. Whether it be me or another innocent human murdered in my place.  
But she was not the only mythical being out there tonight. Somewhere, in the vast darkness were the wolves.

I had pleaded – begged them - not to protect me ever again. There had already been one fatality. How much longer till the next? And this time...it could be Jake. The very thought of Jacob anywhere _near _Victoria made me physically sick with worry. I couldn't lose Jacob, not now after everything that happened. I wouldn't survive that this time.

But it was a very real possibility, and I couldn't risk it ever happening. Not to Jacob, not to anyone.

However, the pack no longer acted out of protection for the humans, or for me. It had gone way beyond that. Because, now, they acted out of vengeance for their lost friend. It made them more ruthless, more deadly, but also more vulnerable than ever. Revenge clouded their every thought. Recklessness threatened their every move. And I couldn't allow them to get themselves killed.

In that instant, my mind was made up. I was going to let Victoria kill me.

**Sorry it's so short. And repetitive. But I need this scene. It's important for Bella to think things over and to make a decision. I will write more soon. Please R&R. **


	8. Reactions

**Yes, yes I know! I promised you Edward, and I'm so sorry, but you'll have to wait for just a bit longer...Oops... anyway, thank you so much if you have read this far. **

**As usual, a big thanks to my amazing FFBF BrittanyPerson! U rock!  
Oh and don't forget to check out my other fanfic, 'Rosalie's Story'.**

A POV

Esme spoke first. 'Edward's coming home? He's really coming back?' a wide smiled shone across her face; the first true smile in a long time.

'Defiantly' I confirmed. The vision was strong – his mind was made up.

'When?' Emmett asked, eagerly.

I looked around at my almost-complete family. 'He'll be here tomorrow; he was close when he made his decision'

Rosalie had been quite – unusual for her. I carefully studied her face. Hey eyes were looking down, her expression one of acceptance and contentment but also of pain. So she knew then. Edward wasn't coming back to us, nor was he any ... better. He was just returning out of necessity.

Some minutes later, Carlisle returned from the college. As Esme told him of my vision, he smiled and nodded calmly.  
When the others left the room, I lingered behind, as did Carlisle. I knew he was keen to speak to me.

'So, it's true. He is coming back?' he asked.

'Yes. His is.' my voice wasn't quite as steady as before. Carlisle raised his eyebrow speculatively.

'Alice...' he began. I took a deep, unnecessary breath.

'Carlisle, nothing's changed. He isn't any better. Edward isn't coming back to us –he isn't staying. He's just gunna disappear again and leave us just as broken as before. 'I made no effort to lower my voice, in a house full of vampires with perfect hearing, there really was no point.

Carlisle looked at me. 'There must be someway -'I shook my head, breaking him off.

'Carlisle, Edward won t change his mind – he's not going back to her. Ever. But he's not going to get over this either.' I sat down on the sofa, rubbing my temples. Great, now Edward was giving me a headache. Thanks for that.

'He won't accept that it isn't working. All he's doing is hurting everyone further.' My voice broke on the last word.

'She's right.' A voice said from behind me. I turned my head around sharply. Rosalie had appeared from nowhere.  
She walked over to Carlisle. My eyes followed her, daring her to make one of her sarcastic comments - now really wasn't the time.  
But I was taken aback as I read her face. It was ... devastated. If she were able to cry, tears would now be falling down her cheeks.

'Rosalie' Carlisle said, concerned – and bewildered - by her unexpected wave of emotion.

'NO CARLISLE' she shouted back, and even I – who had seen it coming – was surprised. Rosalie never shouted at Carlisle, not even in one of her tantrums.

'Don't you get it? Edward is going to be like this. FOREVER. And so are we! Don't you see the mess he's left us in, what he's done to this family? I tired of everyone being upset all the time; everything being so lifeless. I just want us to get back to how we were before. But that's never going to happen, is it?' she paused and whirled around to the others who had joined the room somewhere during Rosalie's outburst. I braced myself for her voice to resume shouting, but when she spoke again; her voice was softer, almost pleading.

'And no, I know what you all think. Rosalie; selfish, vain, irritating - centre of her own world. But I just want my family back together, to be happy again. What's wrong with that?' with one final glance around, she turned and stormed out of the house.

Emmett followed her. Honestly, you would've thought that he'd of learned by now to just leave her alone, but instead, he went after her. We all heard her shrieking at him, telling him to go away.

He returned a few moments later, looking slightly embarrassed.  
'She said she wants some time by herself.' We all just nodded in sympathy.

For a moment, we were all silent, each immersed in our own thoughts.

Then Esme spoke, softly, breaking through the silence; her voice confident and sure.

'But he's coming back. And regardless of everything else, that's all that matters. We know he's safe and this time tomorrow, he'll be here.'

She rose from the seat she had been perched on and slowly made her way out of the room. On the way out, Carlisle caught her hand. Esme looked back at him and smiled slightly. They left together.

Emmett drifted outside, presumably to go see if Rose had calmed down; he really didn't know when to let her calm down.

The only ones left were Jasper and i. For a few minutes we just stayed there, unmoving. I could feel his eyes on me but refused to meet his gaze.  
I started to feel happy. And since I knew that the last thing I wanted to be right now was happy, it wasn't hard to guess what – or more accurately who – was behind my sudden change in mood.

I shot a menacing glare over at my one true love.

'Don't even think about it' I warned him. His eyes widened in innocence. Too innocent.

'You know what' I muttered as I turned back round.

I sighed heavily. His arms were around me then. I turned to look at him sitting on the sofa next to me, his light-golden eyes gazing into mine.

'Everything's going to be okay Alice. I promise.' He murmured to me soothingly. 'It's all going to work out'

I rested my head against his chest and tucked my legs in underneath me.

'Yeah' I whispered. 'I really hope so'

Because the truth was, I had no idea if it was going to be ok. I couldn't see past the pain and emptiness that now dominated the future of my family. And Bella.

And that scared the hell out of me.

**Hope you liked it! Please leave me a review, let me know what you think.  
Oh, and for those of you who added me or MMAM to your favourites/alerts – thank you! I really appreciate your awesomeness. **


	9. Edward

**Hi! Sorry I've taken a while to post this, I haven't had much free time recently and I've also been working on a new fanfic – watch out for it!  
But to compensate, this chapter is **_**all **_**Edward :) Finally!  
As ever, the biggest thanks to BrittanyPerson. You know what for ;)  
Enjoy!!**

Edward's POV

'_I'm so sorry' I whispered as I stroked her soft face. She gazed into my eyes, and held my hand against her cheek. Her eyes closed.  
'You're here now. Nothing else matters.' a smile warmed her beautiful face.  
I was still uncertain. 'I never should have left you. How could I have thought I could live without you? I was so stupid.' I murmured, angry at myself.  
A light laugh escaped her lips. Her deep chocolate eyes met mine as she looked up at me.  
'Everything's going to be okay now Edward' I thrill rushed through me as she said my name. Her voice was confident, strong.  
'But –'I began before she pressed a finger against my lips, silencing me.  
'You came back to me.' She said simply.  
I raised my hand, and gently moved her finger from my mouth and instead wove my hand though hers.  
She placed her free hand lightly on my chest.  
'I love you' her soft voice spoke the words I had been yearning to hear for so long.  
'I love you too.' I vowed. 'Forever.'  
I tilted my head towards her face, and kissed her._

'Bella' I whispered as my eyes slowly opened, reluctant to leave the image of her behind.  
This was not a memory, nor would it ever be my future.

I was leant against a tree, sitting on the uneven woodland. I glanced around me, but all I could see was the dark, dull woods.

I would never see Bella again. I knew this.  
But telling myself it was one thing, accepting it was another.

The very thought of never being able to see her face again, never to hold her once more burned through my body, torturing me.

This life I now had was pure hell. Once it had been heaven, I hadn't wanted – needed- anything more.  
But then the perfect walls came crashing down, my reason for life taken from me almost as soon as she had been put there.

No, that wasn't true. She hadn't been taken from me. I had left her.  
As impossible as it had been, I had taken myself out of her life. As much as it destroyed me, I'd had to. I'd had no choice.

I had to keep her safe.

No matter what the cost – an eternity of torment, my body burning to ashes – I would do it.

As long as Bella was safe I could live through anything, even this.

I shouldn't have ever let myself get so close to her; because of me, she had been so close to death. More than once.

The memory of Bella broken on the floor of the ballet studio resurfaced, though it was never far from my mind. That image of her laying there, her blood everywhere, so vulnerable, so close to death, would haunt me – forever.

But what was worse, was knowing that I could have killed her myself, that I had _wanted _to kill her.

That was the kind of monster I was. I could have killed the one who I loved, and had come far too close to doing so.

No, Bella did not deserve to have something like me in her life, she deserved so much more. She should be happy, be able to love someone who wasn't a threat to her.

The thought of Bella loving somebody else but me was agonizing, but I forced to tell myself that this was what I should want for her.

If I couldn't be with her, I wanted somebody who could, to be there for her and keep her from danger. Or so I tried to tell myself.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't picture Bella with anyone but me. She was my Bella. If I could just see her once more –

NO! I couldn't. Bella had to have a life, and she couldn't if I were with her.

I had to stay away. I couldn't go back, because even if I went back, just to check on her, I would never be able to tear myself away from her again.  
I wondered how she was; if she were happy now I was out of her life, if she was safe. What had she been doing in the long months since I had seen her?

Thinking over her was painful, unendurable; so instead I remembered.  
It was selfish to retain my memories, I owed it to her to just let her go, but I wouldn't. They were all I had, they kept me sane. Reliving them was almost like being with her again, and I wouldn't give that up.

Now, my mind drifted into the past and I remembered Bella.

I remembered every minute detail of her delicate face.

Her round, inquisitive chocolate eyes; her soft, warm lips. The deep pink blush, colouring her pale cheeks.  
The way her eyes narrowed questioningly when she didn't understand something; how she would softly bite her bottom lip when she was anxious or unsure.  
Her heart jumping as our lips met, her hand running through my hair. . .

I snapped back out of my memories, back into vicious reality.

I exhaled heavily and slowly rose to my feet. My body leant against the tree, causing the old wood to groan in protest.

For a moment I let the excruciating pain consume me. It was overwhelming – impossible that someone could survive it. But I did. It was like a curse, haunting me. The force of it took my breath away. I just stood there, and caved in to the agony.

Eventually, it lessened, though only slightly.

But I was able to think and, unexpectedly, I made a decision.

I was going home. Not to Bella – that was forbidden – but back to my family, wherever they now were.

I didn't _want _to go back but I knew that I would. I owed them that much, at least. After everything I had put them through these past months, it seemed I had no choice but to, out of love.

I refused to contemplate how my ... actions, had affected them. It was unbearable to even imagine what my departure had done to Bella without acknowledging how hurt my family had been.

I knew that this trip would not be an enjoyable one.

I was still the same as I had been when I had left, and I wasn't about to change.

I wouldn't stay long. Of that I was sure. I would go for long enough to see that they were well, and then I would leave and return to my empty existence.

I sighed. I would have so much preferred for my unexpected return to be just that – unexpected. But with Alice, that wasn't about to happen. I could only pray that she would understand my decision, and realise that I wasn't staying.

I forced myself to stand up straight and concentrate. I may have been terrible as a tracker, but I should at least be able to find my family.  
Finally, in the light breeze, I caught the faint scent of them.

I glanced once around the forest and began to run. I could only hope I doing the right thing.

**So, what did you think? I hope you liked it :D  
writing in Edward's POV is quite hard. His thoughts flow through me so easily, but I never know whether I'm doing him justice.  
Oh, and please leave a review! I would love to hear any thoughts you may have on it.  
R xx**


	10. Return

**Okay. I owe you all a HUGE apology. I haven't updated MMAM in a month (to the day), and that's just ridiculous. I'm so sorry. Especially seen as though I've **_**still **_**been getting hits and reviews. So thank you. **

**I would also like to take this opportunity to say thank you for the response i got to A Piece of Forever. If you reviewed, or PMed me - thanks. I am contemplating whether or not to write Edwards reaction, thanks to a suggestion from a reader.**

**So here it is – we're still in Edwards POV. It's quite long as well, to make up for the lack in updates.**

**I want to –again- say thank you to BrittanyPerson (have i mentioned her before? A lot? Tough :D) this girl is honestly one of the most talented, funny and inspiring people i have ever talked to. I have her to thank for most of my writing. So, I'm dedicating this whole story to you, huni. Thanks xx**

As i emerged from the thick forest, through the heavy mist a small figure in the middle of the clearing came into sight.  
I took a step towards her and her head rose at the sound of my presence, though she knew i was there.  
Alice stared into my eyes, her head tilted slightly. She made no effort to approach me.  
_Edward._ She thought softly. _You're really back.  
_I looked at her. 'Yes.' I replied simply. My voice was toneless. I hadn't spoken to anyone in so long, and my voice echoed the emptiness i felt inside.

A small smile spread across my sister's face. _It's good to see you._ Her voice rang with sincerity. Not much could keep Alice down for too long. She really _was _pleased to see me.

I couldn't understand why. After all i had done i didn't deserve any warm welcomes. I didn't want them.  
Her smile faltered slightly. _I really missed you, Edward. We all did. _As her face fell, so did her controlled thoughts and through her mind i saw flickers of these past months. My family.

I had hurt them. More so than i had thought. Guilt and shame overwhelmed me. Who _hadn't _i damaged in these past months? I truly didn't deserve anyone.

_Hey, Edward. _Alice tried to get my attention. With effort, I raised my head. She looked at me with sad eyes, and took a step closer. _It's okay, y'know. Everything will be._

I had no reply. Because she was wrong. No matter what she may have _seen, _it was not going to be okay. Nothing was, ever again.

She looked at me more intently, concern across her face. _They're so happy that you came back to us. _

'Alice' i spoke, slowly. 'You know I'm not staying.'  
She looked away for a moment and then nodded. _Yeah, i know. _She said a trace of reluctance in her voice.

For a moment, neither of us spoke. Instead we stood there, motionless. Then Alice closed the distance between us, her tiny frame in front of me. Determination flamed in her eyes.

_Come _on _then. They're waiting for you. _She held her hand out to me, gesturing for me to take it.

I recoiled slightly. Physical contact with anyone was something i avoided at all costs. But Alice was unwavering. She firmly took my hand and glared back at me, daring me to object. I wanted to, but the truth is i really didn't have the strength to, and she would get her own way eventually anyway.

When she was satisfied i wasn't going to protest, she turned around and began to walk through the woods, me with her.

_Jeez Edward. No need to be so difficult. _She muttered, vaguely irritated.

'Sorry' i murmured bitterly. I could see where this conversation was going, and i really didn't want to go there. But Alice, ever the unashamedly interfering person she was, was resolute that we were going to talk.

No, that wasn't fair. She wasn't interfering. She just wanted everything to go back to how it had been. She wasn't to know that it was a wasted effort.

_How have you been? _She thought, more gentle this time.

I inhaled deeply. 'How do you think Alice?' though i meant it to be harsh, my voice came out as a pathetic murmur. She looked at me sympathetically and sighed. _I'm sorry Edward, i really am. It's just, i hate seeing you like this. It's not right. _

'I know Alice. But there's nothing i can do.' I said, hoping my words would finalise the conversation, but Alice continued.

Her eyes pleaded with me, though we were still walking. _But, Edward, you know there is. All you have to do is go back-_

I stopped walking. My hand pulled Alice to a halt. She turned to me. I could see she was about to say something, but the glare on my face cut her off. I dropped her hand.

'Don't even go there Alice. Just don't.' I said my voice hard. She held her hands up in a 'shoot me' way. Honestly, anyone else would have given up. But not Alice.

She grabbed my hand back, and pulled me along. As she turned back, she muttered in a voice almost unintelligible, but deliberate 'yeah well, we both know it's only a matter of time before you cave.'

I closed my eyes. She really was pushing it now. She knewhow much it hurt to even think about _her, _yet still she didn't give up.

I decided to let it go. With Alice, that really was the only way.

We continued in silence for a few minutes, not bothering to run. After all, i was defiantly in no rush to see my awaiting family.

Suddenly thinking of them made me wonder. 'How come they didn't come to meet me?' i questioned.

Alice laughed humourlessly. 'They wanted to. Really. But i knew you wouldn't want it so i convinced them to stay home. But they're all waiting for you there' a hint of a smile crossed her face.

'Thanks' i said quietly. Though she really could irritate me, Alice understood me better than...well, _almost _anybody. I was truly grateful i had her.

We finished the journey in silence, until i finally caught sight of a large house, unmistakably Esme's design.

Thinking of Esme made me realise how much i actually had missed them all, and i suddenly found myself wanting to see them.

A vision of me warmly embracing my mother flooded Alice's mind. _See. _She thought. _It'll be okay._

I nodded. It didn't – couldn't – fill the empty space inside me that burned so badly, but seeing my family again, might at least make them happier. And, wasn't that the only thing that mattered? As long as everyone else could be happy and safe, i could take anything. I hoped.

Through the window, i saw my mother's anxious face staring out. As she saw me, her whole face lit up with happiness, and she turned to Carlisle excitedly.

This was going to be so much harder than I'd imagined. I really wished i could turn around and run away, like the coward i was.

Feeling my tension, Alice stared up at me. _Just try Edward. No one expects you to be... _her thought trailed off, lost for words. _It'll be hard, i know. But i promise they won't be too full on.  
_She pulled me further, until we reached the door. I took a deep breath, and Alice smiled reassuringly at me.

We walked through the door. Carlisle and Esme were waiting for us in the room.

No one spoke for a moment. But then Esme's soft voice spoke. 'Edward' she breathed, and ran up to hug me. I wanted to initially pull back from her hold, but feeling her soft motherly arms around me, her warm presence, made me realise how much i actually needed to be held.

_Edward. _Her joyous thoughts broke through my own. _I've missed you so much, son. I hope you're well. I love you. _

I knew that if she could, she would be crying. A lump rose to my throat. 'You too Mom.' I whispered, as i hugged her back.

She finally released me, and i saw the smile radiating on her face. It stung to be around such happiness, but i knew i had to keep up the charade. I couldn't let them see how well i _wasn't _doing, that, actually, i was as far away from ok as was possible.

Carlisle moved toward me. _Son. _He said before hugging me.

The others had joined the room, and i looked at them carefully in turn. Jasper's face was a confliction of emotions. He could feel Esme's happiness, and yet, try as i might, i couldn't hide my emotions from him. He could feel the pain emanating from me. He winced slightly.

A wide smile was spread across Emmett's face. He came to me and lightly – for him – punched my shoulder. 'Hey Bro' he said, cheerily.

'Emmett.' I nodded.

I turned to look at Rosalie. She just stared back at me, a hint of sadness across her face. _Edward..._ she began, before stopping herself. I had a feeling there was much more she wanted to say – or maybe shout- but she held herself and her thoughts back.

Rosalie. I always knew that out of everyone, she would be the least forgiving. Not that i _wanted _forgiveness, but still. She would hold the blame to me for causing any hurt my family had endured because of me. And i totally agreed with her. It _was _my fault. She was right.

Looking around at everyone, i reconfirmed what i had already decided. I would not stay for long. I couldn't. I would stay long enough to make my mother and everyone else happy and then i would leave – again – probably causing even more hurt in the process.

It seemed that was all i ever did.

**Please Review! I really love hearing your thoughts and it does only take a second!  
Can i have a few more before the next chapter goes up??  
Rose xx :D**


	11. AN

**Hi guys!**

**Sorry for posting this A/N, but I just have a few things to tell you.  
I'm being a bit hypocritical because I personally hate authors notes as a chapter, and here I am posting one myself – so sorry for that.**

**I just want to let you know that i have updated almost all of the chapters in this fic, so if you want to read them you can.  
i haven't made any dramatic alterations that will change the story in any way, I have just added some more depth into certain parts and also lengthened some chapters, for example, the prologue was *tiny* but I added more detail to it. It is so much better now :D**

**Even though i only started writing MMAM a few months, I have learnt so much and so wanted to improve my work – especially those first, early chapters.**

**So, if you want to go back and have a look, then feel free! If you've read previous chapters prior to 1****st**** Nov then they will have altered since you last read them. **

**Also, I want to say that I'm sorry I haven't been updating regularly. All i can say is I've been very busy with school work – right now I should be writing an essay – and so I haven't really had a proper opportunity to write. I'm going to try to make some time though.**

**And, thanks. I really appreciate those of you who read my fics. It means a lot to me. I think i know where this fic is going to end up, though I am slightly torn between two options. If i choose the one I think I will, there will probably be a sequel to MMAM. **

**Oh, and please check out some of my other work! Thank you all so much!**

**Hope you all had a great Halloween – mine was so brilliant! (Heavily Twilight related =D)**

**Rose xx**


	12. Sudden

**Hey! I'm so sorry I haven't updated for so long on any of my stories.  
First, my computer broke – which was great of course – and so I haven't been able to get on FF regularly. (It STILL isn't fixed) :(  
And, secondly, even if I had been able to come on, I had a huge essay to do and I had no time to write. Add that to the fact that I had major writers block, and yeah – it's not been too good.  
But I finally got round to writing! yey! :D This chapter is very long to make it up to you guys.**

**Oh, and I want to thank those of you who have read my other new fic – On the edge of a knife. The response was amazing. I can't believe how many people favourite/alerted me and the story after only one chapter – so thank you so much. I really appreciate it :D  
thank you (as always) to Brittany Person, and to those of you who have given really nice reviews. I love you guys. **

I stared out meaninglessly through my window, watching as each drop of rain trickled down the cold glass.  
I had no idea what i was going to do next.  
Only one thing was for sure, somehow i was going to let Victoria find me. This wasn't something i was going to back out of. I had made up my mind now, and i was sure of it.

To even think about her caused my blood to run cold, made my heart stutter. But i had to do it, i had no alternative.

And you know what? I was ready.  
I was ready for her to find me, and to end it, because, i was _tired_.

I was tired of living every day in fear of my life and my family's, the deaths - all the anger and hurt from the past months had drained me completely, and, more than anything i was sick of missing him.

I just wanted it to be over –all of it.

There was only one problem .

Jacob.

It wasn't so much that i was worried about how he would react to my ...death... it was more that i had no idea how the hell i was going to get past him.

I knew all the wolves were protecting me, Jacob more than any of them. I would never get the chance to go somewhere without someone following me, so how the hell was i going to get near Victoria?

I pressed my head against the cold, hard glass and watched as the drops of rain dripped blearily down the window. My eyes closed for a moment.

Suddenly, something touched my shoulder. I jumped and gasped. My heart pounded.

'Sorry' he murmured.

I didn't turn to face him. 'Jeez Jake. You didn't need to jump on me. You could have knocked'

'I did knock! You didn't answer and I was worried-'.  
He didn't need to finish his explanation. I shivered.

'Okay, sorry. I guess I was out of it' I replied. I turned around to face him. his hair was wet from the rain, but his skin was burning hot. 'So, what did you want' the words came out a little harsher than I'd meant.

Jacob flinched. 'I just came to see how you are'. I cocked my head to the side. Yeah, like I believed that.

'what's the real reason you're here?' I asked, a sigh in my voice.

A smile touched his face. 'okay. So I didn't come to see how you are.' I raised my eyebrows speculatively. 'Well – I did.' He continued. 'But I also came to tell you that you should come to La Push. Now'

I narrowed my eyes; my arms folded across my chest. 'How come?' I asked; suspicion seeping into my words.

Jacob sighed. 'Victoria is in the area.' my mouth opened in shock and protest, but before I could speak, he cut me off. 'Not nearby. Just...around Forks.' He took my hand in both his scorching ones. 'But its fine. She's out in the woods. We can handle it – I'd just feel better if you went to La Push, just so I know where you are, a precaution.' His reassurance held little effect. I could feel the blood draining from my face.

My next word came out as a whisper. 'Charlie-'

'-is fine.' He cut me off. 'He went to my house hours ago. My dad picked him up, don't you remember?' he asked; I could see his disapproval at my unawareness.  
'Oh' I replied, simply. I really had been out of it today; lost in my own thoughts.

'Ok, so I really have to go now – the rest of them are waiting for me. But Bella, promise you'll go straight to La Push.'  
I stared at him wordlessly for a moment; realisation sinking in, a plan forming in my head.  
'Wait.' I said, carefully. 'You're not coming with me? To La Push I mean.'

He kept his eyes on me as he spoke. 'No, I'm staying in town. We can't risk her here in Forks. You'll be fine over at mine.' He added, to reassure me I think.

I dismissed the last comment; like I cared about my own safety.  
I knew that the thought of the wolves out in Forks _near _Victoria should have twisted my stomach with anxiety, but my thoughts were distracted.

Victoria was nearby, looking for me. Not only that, but Jake wouldn't be able to stay with me. Nobody would. I would be alone – exposed.

I had the perfect chance to put my _plan _into action.  
Though it was only half formed in my head, I knew this could work. I could stop this.

The suddenness of everything took my breath away, literally. My head spun; I leant over slightly. My head shook in disbelief. I'd thought I was ready, but this – being faced with the decision so abruptly. Was I really ready to _die? _Right now?

I had no idea of the answer but I didn't have time to think this through. This was my only chance, and I had to take it.

'Bella?' Jakes questioning voice cut through my thoughts, making me jump slightly; I'd forgotten he was even here.

'Um, yeah?' I replied - my voice shook despite my efforts to steady the trembling.

He looked at me for a moment, holding his gaze as he spoke. 'I have to go. You need to leave in the next 10 minutes, okay?'

I nodded once. I could feel his eyes boring into me, trying to decipher my expression. I didn't speak; for fear that my pathetic ability at lying would give me away.

'Cya.' He murmured. He hugged me tightly and then turned to leave.

I gasped as I realised that this was the last time I would see him – my best friend.  
I honestly believed the sickness was going to knock me to the floor.

'Jake.' I choked out; my arm reached out for him. 'Wait.' He turned back, though he was almost out of the door. I could see he was really confused now by how I was acting.

'Just...be careful, okay? And...thanks.' my voice became almost indistinguishable, my throat thick. I tried to clear my voice without him noticing. 'Thank you so much Jake. You're the best friend I could have wished for and you helped me so so much. I owe you my life.' How true that was. And now I was finally going to repay him – for everything.

Confusion swept across Jacob's face. He crossed the room in two steps and took my face into his hand. 'Bella. Everything is going to be fine, you know that – I promise.'

I nodded. I knew that more than anything.

Everything _was _going to be okay. Just without me.

I felt the tears rise in my eyes. They spilled over and fell onto my cheeks. I hugged Jacob to me; his warmth radiating out around my body.

I felt his lips press against my hair. 'Bella?' his voice was anxious and puzzled. 'Are you sure you're ok? We're going to be fine you know – there's nothing to be worried about.'

I had no more words left to say, so I simply nodded again, and reluctantly pulled away.

He was still unsure about what was wrong, but he had to go. And I had to let him. He looked at me one last time, turned around and left.

I stood unmoving – the tears still falling - even after the front door had shut. I waited until the sound of his car had died away down the road before I jumped into action.

I had to move – fast. I couldn't stop to think, there wasn't time.  
I grabbed my jacket and ran down the stairs, into the kitchen. I brushed the tears from my eyes hurriedly.  
Then I had to pause, because I really had no idea what I was doing.

I ran my hand through my hair; my thoughts running at a thousand miles an hour. I had to think now, really think, because what I decided now decided the whole fate of...everyone.

I had to get her to me, but not here. I couldn't risk Charlie coming back or the wolves.

_The wolves. _Crap. They were in Forks. There was no way I could get around them.

Unless...

If I could get somewhere not even they could go, somewhere no one else would be- I would have a chance. And I could only think of one place.

It tore me up to even think about going back, to even picture it in my head, but it was my only option.

The Cullens.

Even as I thought their name, the pain lashed at my chest, but I forced myself to ignore it.

The woods around the big white house on the river was completely out of bounds for the wolves. No matter what, they couldn't go there – the treaty forbade it. But I could. And no one would think of looking for me there – not after everything that had happened. No one even knew where it was.

In a split second I made my mind up. Grabbing the keys to the cruiser, I ran outside.  
I jumped in to Charlie's police car – if he knew I had taken it he would kill me, but it would be quicker and more discreet than my truck and I was going to die anyway so what difference did it make.

How strange that, even now, I could joke about my own death.

I switched on the ignition and pressed down the pedal. Driving down the road that lead _away _from Forks, I gripped the steering wheel tightly.  
It was only now that the force of what I was doing really hit me. Part of me was screaming at the rest, asking what the hell I was doing.

_It's for Charlie and Jake. And everyone else. _I thought. _I have to do this._

The part of my subconscious was still not convinced, but I pushed it out of my mind. I ached for the emptiness of them dark months. It was so much easier to feel and think nothing.

It half worked. By the time I pulled up on the side of a road, my heart felt numb. I got out and shut the car door. I wasn't there yet, still on the brink of town, but I had to ditch the car. It was far away enough for no one to come to where I would be.

I looked at the car once more, knowing that once I turned away – that would be it. There would be no turning back.

As I looked at It, I felt nothing. No fear or pain or sorrow ...nothing. And that was good because I knew now that I could do this. I was strong enough.

I turned around and walked towards the woods, leaving the road and everything else behind me.

As I walked deeper into the woods, my heart began to pound. The dying sunlight could not penetrate the thick trees and so I was surrounded by a dim gloom. It was nearly dark now; it was getting late. Precariously, I made my way forward, still glancing around apprehensively.

I paused for a second and closed my eyes. Blocking out my surroundings made it easier to think – easier to clear my mind and concentrate on I was doing.

I was here and I had to do what I needed to.  
Victoria was in Forks somewhere, but if I left a trail strong enough here, she would eventually pick it up and follow it...to me. And the rest...i couldn't even bare to imagine.

I opened my eyes, blinking as I tried to adjust. I walked further in, only half-aware of where I was going. I held my arms out, and trailed my fingertips across the trees and plants.

I knew this wasn't enough – I had to do more to make the trail stronger.  
I winced as I thought of a way, I really didn't want to but this wasn't about me anymore.

I took a deep breath and shoved my hand roughly against a piece of broken bark. As it broke through my skin I gasped; the searing pain worse than I'd anticipated. I pressed my lips together and looked away. I could feel the wet blood against my hand.

I pressed it against the tree. I shuddered.

There was no way she could miss this.

I carried on walking.

~*~

_This is crazy, I thought, as I wondered alone through the dark forest._

_The sky had darkened above me, and now only the moon guided my path, washing the forest in a surreal white glow, piercing through the trees like white needles. _

_Shadows danced on the floor around me, flickering like candles, taunting me.  
A shiver ran through my body, though it wasn't from the cold wind. _

_I had never felt more alone, or vulnerable – exposed._

_I glanced nervously around the forest. I had no idea where i was, or how to escape the dark depths of the thick woodland._

But still i continued, though directionless. I wouldn't give up, i wouldn't stop. 

_The further I went, the further my common sense went to try to force me in the other direction. But I knew I had to keep going. I had to leave a trail, strong enough so she would find it and trace it here – to me. I needed her to come, so she would finally kill me and end this._

_I knew that my death would stop her._

_And, maybe I would even welcome it. A final relief. An ending at least. Through everything that had happened, everyone who had lost because of me, i owed them this much. So many people had fought to protect me, but they couldn't. Not anymore. I had to sacrifice myself._

_It was the only thing i could do now. Maybe it was too late, but i had to try._

_I had to try to save those i loved. And this truly was the only way. _

_My heart began to beat faster, my breathing became uneven. I glanced around me again, nervous.  
I stumbled on the broken bracken, and held a tree to steady myself. I cursed lightly, through the dull pain in my ankle. _

_I leant against the tree for a moment, trying to regain my thoughts. I closed my eyes, and as i did, a single tear fell. _

_With my hand, i brushed it from my cheek. There was no time, i had to hurry._

_After all, my life had very little meaning now..._

**I hope you liked it – I kinda know where this is going so the next few chapters should be up soon. Please REVIEW!!!!!!!  
AND!!! New Moon is only days away! :O I cant wait. So excited – I hope you all have a great time watching it. We've waited long enough... REVIEW!!!!  
Rose xx**


	13. Bye :'

Hey.  
Just thought I'd post this note to let you all know something.  
I'm no longer going to be posting anything on this story, or on anything else. And I'm not going to be posting anything new either.  
I guess you could say I'm quitting.  
I love this site so much and it was fun while it lasted but I'm stopping now.  
This won't make sense to any of you really, because there are reasons why that only I know, so feel free to ignore this.  
I loved being in my own little world, but its when you let someone in that it all falls apart.  
Anyway, I'm rambling.  
So, thanks to everyone who reviewed, and PM-ed, and alerted. You are all such awesome people. :)  
I won't delete my account, but I guess this is goodbye.  
See you around :)  
Rose xx

Oh, and by the way, I'll never stop writing so in a few years time, watch out for Rose Everdeen's books. I promise you, I'll get there.  
Bye xx


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